Over the past month I have certainly not been a bastion of strength, a banner bearer of virtue, a mother on the path to sanctity…
I have roared and growled and stamped my feet and all together been the very worst of me!
It might just be me, but there are times when the roles of mother, homemaker, supportive wife and daughter of God pile one on top of each other until I find myself struggling to breathe and not knowing if I am arthur or martha (well NOT Martha Stewart!).
11pm last night I was on my hands and knees scrubbing my kitchen floor. Yes the hour does seem slightly ridiculous, but since we are back in the rental market waiting for news about our property, I had a house inspection today… hence the madness! While scrubbing away at the plethora of substances stuck under the dining room table and highchair, the kind that resist all cleaning products and can only be eradicated by the trusty finger nail… I, had an epiphany!
I had dropped my cross (dare I say crosses) on the side of the road and had been trying to hitch hike with an easier ride,getting more frustrated and impatient with each passing moment as no rides ever came.
“Then Jesus said to his disciples,
“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”
Standing twiddling my thumbs on the side of the road… feeling to put it lightly… a little sheepish!
My crosses are not pretty! The on going challenge of getting Sunshine to bed at night without tears, anxieties, screaming, calling out, MULTIPLE good nights is in fact a “GIMUNGUS” (to quote Master Luke) headache of a cross. Being out of my own home and in one with little to NO storage and dark rooms… inconvenient. Having to wait on insurance and the city council to make a decision on our property… frustrating. The constant mountain of housework and my lack of home making ability… demoralising. The daily challenges of teaching and guiding four intelligent, noisy, active children… exhausting.
Jesus taking on the sins of all humanity, through all time, carried on his shoulders and nailed into his flesh………..
THAT is a cross!
They are the tools for my sanctification.
They are gifts from above, treasures to bear and rejoice in.
Believe me… I don’t feel like picking them back up. I have grown a little to familiar over the past weeks with my companions of self pity and impatience. Too familiar to shake off their cold, bony little hands easily…
But I have been here before and I will be running to the Sacrament of Reconciliation on Saturday and diving into the abyss of Divine Mercy.
Today, I will remember this…
” Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
1 Thess 5:16-18
Honesty, is the best medicine 🙂